--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------A shift manager at my bosses old store wrote this lol.........................
I did these a while back for the entertainment of all my fellow Arby's co-workers, but I somehow lost the copy (no name given), so here is the updated and expanded version of the infamous "Rules of Drive Thru Etiquette".
Read and abide!:
1. Hi. I’m the drive-thru person and I communicate with you, from 30 feet away, at the other end of this speaker system. Despite all appearances from where your vehicle sits, I am NOT a machine. I am a living, breathing person with feelings… these include rage. Treat me like the human being that I am, and I promise not to consider doing something shady to your drink.
2. If you pull into my drive-thru, you’d better have an idea of where you are. Don’t sit there in shocked awe when I say, “Hi, welcome to Arby’s!” because you thought you were at Chick-Fil-A. More so, don’t ask if we carry doughnuts, because the red and beige exterior and all the roast beef posters should indicate that we’re not Dunkin Donuts either. If you can’t pay attention to your surroundings, call a taxi. You shouldn’t even be driving.
3. Try to have some idea of what you want to order PRIOR to pulling up to my speaker. Proceeding to sit there and have a mental break down when asked what you’d like to have will not improve your standing in my good graces. Trailing off, repeating “um, uh, um”, and “I’ll have aaaaaah, no wait, what’s a—no, wait…” will NOT be tolerated.
4. Don’t pull up to the menu board, covered in no-literacy-skills-required pictures, and then ask me where the kid’s meals are located. I work here, on the OTHER side of the speaker. How often do you actually think I venture out there to check the location of our menu items? Get a clue and look at the sign.
5. HINT: We, on the other end of the magical speaker, can hear EVERYTHING you say. Absolutely everything. So whether you’re making fun of us, or telling your BFF how you cheated on your fiancé Steve, or yelling at your kids to shut the %$@! up—we hear it all. That includes everyone in our restaurant, front counter, and lobby. And yes, this applies to the entire time your vehicle sits in vicinity of the speaker, not just when you decide to grace us with your order. It isn’t actually magic, it’s speakerphone.
6. On that note, if you’re the loud-mouthed, femi-Nazi female who must have every word in every situation, you’d better sit on the driver’s side. We hate it when you make your husband chauffer you through the drive-thru, but then insist on screaming at the speaker from the passenger seat. If you want to order, sit where we can hear you. Otherwise, shut up for a minute like a good woman. And stay that way.
7. If you are on your cell phone, I cannot guarantee the quality of your drive-thru experience. It is in your best interest to choose which means most to you at the moment: quality food, fast, and friendly… or your cell phone conversation. If you come to the speaker while engaged in conversation, fail to respond to my greeting and query, and make me wait on you (and everyone else in line behind you)… and then apologize to your phone buddy for the inconvenience, but not to me, I will hate you with a burning passion. YOU chose to drive up, so it’s in your best interest to be on my good side. I only need your attention for three minutes, so deal with it.
8. Learn how to say what you mean, aka “execute desire with verbal clarity”. I am a fast food employee, not a mind reader. If you order the #4 combo, then I will ring you up for the entire combo. Don’t **** an attitude with me when I ask what you’d like to drink with that. You just wanted the sandwich? Really. Should’ve said that the first time. (For clarification, the term “combo” is a derivative of the word, “combination”, which is an ancient Mesopotamian term to describe a sandwich+fry+drink= less $$$.
)
9. If you want anything in a size larger or smaller than the regular standard size… specify. Again, refer to rule #8. I am not Ms. Cleo.
10. I have spent considerable time in training to learn how to properly greet a customer and to exhibit friendliness and hospitality. I take it as a deep, personal insult when I warmly say, “Hi, welcome to Arby’s! How can I help you?”—only to be barked at, “ROAST BEEF! THAT’S IT!” Who do you think you are, Grizzly Adams? Learn the fundamentals of polite conversation, Cave Man, and then we’ll talk about that roast beef sandwich.
11. If you pull into my drive-thru and either scream at me or whisper to me, I will be cursing you at the other end. It’s not a bullhorn and it isn’t super-sensitive surveillance technology. Speak clearly and calmly and we should get along fabulously.
12. If you have a coupon, you need to state it PRIOR to ordering your $50 order. First of all, jerk-tard, refer to rule #8—I can’t see that you’re holding a handful of discounts in your fingers, so you need to specify that. Otherwise, you’re paying full price. Don’t get all bent out of shape at the window because I didn’t glean from your voice that you had a divine right to our 2 for $3 special.
13. About that $50 order… please recognize that the drive-thru is not intended for those of you who just didn’t feel like walking inside today. The drive-thru is intended to be a fast-paced express lane for those who only wanted one or two QUICK items, and didn’t want to wait in line behind the guy with the $50 order. This rule also applies to those who come through the EXPRESS LANE and want to order more than one order per vehicle. Get a grip. It’s going to take us some time to get your food ready, so come inside and make yourself comfortable.
14. If you cannot speak my native tongue, or if you can only stumble through it with a thickly-laced accent AT BEST, you’re probably better off coming inside. Rather than hold up the line and embarrass you by repeatedly asking, “WHAT? WHAT?!?”, I’m just going to guess what you’re trying to say. Again, I’m not Ms. Cleo, and I sure as heck am not a linguist.
15. If I ask you a question, you’d better answer it swiftly. Do NOT ignore me and continue on, because there will be a consequence. If I ask what drink you’d like with your combo, and you go on to tell me what Junior wants to eat, I will wait until you’re done speaking, and then ask you again what drink you originally wanted with that first combo. Guess what? I missed the rest of the order, so you’re going to have to start again at the beginning, right after that combo with the missing drink. Oops, sorry.
16. I may LOOK like Olympic gold medalist Shannon Miller, but despite that, I am NOT a gymnast or a contortionist. If you pull your car up in such a way that I have to get a coat hanger to hand you your food, there’s an issue. Your depth perception must certainly show you that you’re half-way across the parking lot and that I will NOT be able to hand you anything. Also, if I have to lean into your car to get the money out of your hand, you are seriously pathetic. Exert a little physical effort: extend your arm MY way so I can get that from you.
17. On the other hand (no pun intended), if I’m multi-tasking in my zone trying to get your order together, and you’re sitting at the window, staring straight ahead, with your hand stuck out the window in some gesture of “Hurry, now, give it to me,” I will purposely find meaningless ways to prolong the amount of time you sit there looking like a coat hanger.
18. Seriously, if you order a $2.19 item and try to pay me with a $100 bill, I will assume you’re scoping out how much cash I have in my drawer and I will refuse to take it. This rule is more flexible during the daytime rush, but it becomes solid reality after dark. If that’s the “smallest” bill you have, then you should be dining at Fishbones. I am not an ATM.
19. If you add an item to your order at the window, you might as well punch yourself in the throat, or I might. Take a look behind you, dill-wad. The others waiting in line behind you don’t care to wait another 3 minutes because you decided to add a side kicker when it was too late.
20. If you dump your trash, drinks, extra change, empty beer bottles, soiled diapers, or your cigarette butts in my drive-thru, you will—at the very least—get the evil eye. We are paid to serve you food, not clean up after you. I’m not above tracking down your address and bringing that little compost pile we accumulated to your personal driveway.
21. RANDOM LOBBY RULE: This is not a full-service restaurant. That being said, if you opt to leave a filthy table in my lobby covered in half-eaten food, spilled liquids, crumpled napkins, and trays swimming in sauces, you’d sure as HECK better leave me a tip.
22. We adore those who wish to pay in exact change. We applaud you, we revere you, and we cherish you. However, have it counted out by the time you get to the window. We don’t have time to count it out for you or watch as you dig through your bottomless purse—“I KNOW I had a dime in here somewhere!”. Also, if you can’t seem to find a suitable quarter to give away because you really need that Arkansas for your granddaughter’s coin collection, friggin’ hand me a $20. I’ll give you some quarters. You can even sort them out once you get home: spendable change and collectible change—what a concept.
23. I am not a trash receptacle or a county waste management worker. (Refer to rules #20 and #21) If you ask me to throw away your trash from within your personal vehicle, I will refuse. When you fuel your vehicle at the gas station, utilize those nifty trash cans they put between the pumps. They’re not decorative dividers, genius.
24. If you are daft enough to come through drive-thru with a motorcycle or a diesel engine, you are going to be sorely despised by everyone our PA system affects. Just don’t do it. If you’re boorish enough to do it anyways, at least have the courtesy to turn the thing off so we can hear you. DON’T sit there yelling at me because YOU can’t hear ME.
25. If you are dim-witted enough to half-heartedly listen to me repeat your order back to you, AND agree that it’s correct, don’t call the restaurant later because I “forgot” an item or didn’t ring it up right. That would be the purpose in repeating what I thought I heard you say the first time. You agreed that I had it right, so grin and bear it. Maybe you’ll pay closer attention next time.
26. Whatever you may think of yourself, you don’t sound cute when you order a Whopper Jr. or a Miller Light with your meal. I don’t have time for your games; if you want to play, call your mommy.
27. As a devoted employee of the drive thru realm, I highly encourage you to check your order to ensure its accuracy. I am committed to seeing that you leave my establishment pleased with what you have. Just don’t sit idling at the window for five minutes unloading every bag and opening every sandwich to individually inspect them. That just pisses off everybody.
28. Yes, I work here. No, the corporate big shots did not consult with me about the menu prices when they established this restaurant, so there’s absolutely no use in you verbally berating me about how expensive we are. And no, the prices won’t be coming down anytime soon. Either wait for next week’s coupon drop or go to McDonald’s.
29. Along that line, if you ask me whether or not we have a dollar menu, and I say “No, we do not”, and you then respond, “You don’t?”… you sound like an idiot. No, we actually don’t have a dollar menu, but we just covered that. You’re obviously too cheap or too broke to be eating out, so go home and enjoy some ramen noodles. They ARE less than a dollar.
30.
I promise to think even less of you if our conversation goes something like this:
a. Customer: “I’ll have a #3 combo with home-style fries and a Pepsi.
”
b. Me: “I’m sorry; we no longer carry home-style fries. We only have curly fries or potato cakes.
”
c. Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take the home-style fries then.
”
31. As adorable as you may THINK it is to let your toddler order for himself, we don’t find it even remotely entertaining. Listen, children under the age of 18 don’t really know what they want in life. Just order something for them. Or let me decide.
32. Don’t make me ask repeatedly, “Is that all for you?” or “Will that complete your order?”, because eventually, I’ll get tired of it and start on the infamous, “AND THEEENNN?” routine that Ashton Kutcher made so famous.
33. Here’s a fun regional fact for you: in most of the Southeastern United States, a cola-flavored soda is generally referred to as a “coke”. However, as we no longer carry Coca-Cola products, when you order a Coke, I’m giving you a Pepsi. Don’t scream at me later when it doesn’t “taste right”. Look at the menu board and pay attention to our products.
34. Personally, I love it when you ask me, “Do ya’ll have any specials?” when three sides of our building (that you just circled to get into our drive-thru) are literally plastered in POP, complete with enlarged pictures and bright graphics displaying our on-going specials. Nope, I’m sorry, no specials today.
Better luck next week!
35. Also, when I ask “Is that all for you?/ Will that complete your order?”, you’d sure as Satan’s fury better have a quick answer, or else I’m giving you your total and asking you to pull up. You get double the penalty if you **** an attitude and retort, “I’m not done YET.” Well, then say so.
36. Hitting on the drive-thru girl is NOT flattering. I am actually embarrassed for you. You look and act creepy, and the fact that you drive a jalopy are all points counting against you. Also, licking your teeth while glancing me up and down and scratching your crotch are liable to cause me to call the police. As you drive away, I have a perfect view of your license plate number. This goes for those of you who choose to drive through while intoxicated too. Until they invent odorless liquor, you’re not hiding anything.
37. If you ask me where the flippin’ Oven Mitt is or if I’m “thinking Arby’s”, I’ll hunt you down with a tomato slicer.
------------------------------------A shift manager at my bosses old store wrote this lol.........................
I did these a while back for the entertainment of all my fellow Arby's co-workers, but I somehow lost the copy (no name given), so here is the updated and expanded version of the infamous "Rules of Drive Thru Etiquette".
Read and abide!:
1. Hi. I’m the drive-thru person and I communicate with you, from 30 feet away, at the other end of this speaker system. Despite all appearances from where your vehicle sits, I am NOT a machine. I am a living, breathing person with feelings… these include rage. Treat me like the human being that I am, and I promise not to consider doing something shady to your drink.
2. If you pull into my drive-thru, you’d better have an idea of where you are. Don’t sit there in shocked awe when I say, “Hi, welcome to Arby’s!” because you thought you were at Chick-Fil-A. More so, don’t ask if we carry doughnuts, because the red and beige exterior and all the roast beef posters should indicate that we’re not Dunkin Donuts either. If you can’t pay attention to your surroundings, call a taxi. You shouldn’t even be driving.
3. Try to have some idea of what you want to order PRIOR to pulling up to my speaker. Proceeding to sit there and have a mental break down when asked what you’d like to have will not improve your standing in my good graces. Trailing off, repeating “um, uh, um”, and “I’ll have aaaaaah, no wait, what’s a—no, wait…” will NOT be tolerated.
4. Don’t pull up to the menu board, covered in no-literacy-skills-required pictures, and then ask me where the kid’s meals are located. I work here, on the OTHER side of the speaker. How often do you actually think I venture out there to check the location of our menu items? Get a clue and look at the sign.
5. HINT: We, on the other end of the magical speaker, can hear EVERYTHING you say. Absolutely everything. So whether you’re making fun of us, or telling your BFF how you cheated on your fiancé Steve, or yelling at your kids to shut the %$@! up—we hear it all. That includes everyone in our restaurant, front counter, and lobby. And yes, this applies to the entire time your vehicle sits in vicinity of the speaker, not just when you decide to grace us with your order. It isn’t actually magic, it’s speakerphone.
6. On that note, if you’re the loud-mouthed, femi-Nazi female who must have every word in every situation, you’d better sit on the driver’s side. We hate it when you make your husband chauffer you through the drive-thru, but then insist on screaming at the speaker from the passenger seat. If you want to order, sit where we can hear you. Otherwise, shut up for a minute like a good woman. And stay that way.
7. If you are on your cell phone, I cannot guarantee the quality of your drive-thru experience. It is in your best interest to choose which means most to you at the moment: quality food, fast, and friendly… or your cell phone conversation. If you come to the speaker while engaged in conversation, fail to respond to my greeting and query, and make me wait on you (and everyone else in line behind you)… and then apologize to your phone buddy for the inconvenience, but not to me, I will hate you with a burning passion. YOU chose to drive up, so it’s in your best interest to be on my good side. I only need your attention for three minutes, so deal with it.
8. Learn how to say what you mean, aka “execute desire with verbal clarity”. I am a fast food employee, not a mind reader. If you order the #4 combo, then I will ring you up for the entire combo. Don’t **** an attitude with me when I ask what you’d like to drink with that. You just wanted the sandwich? Really. Should’ve said that the first time. (For clarification, the term “combo” is a derivative of the word, “combination”, which is an ancient Mesopotamian term to describe a sandwich+fry+drink= less $$$.
)
9. If you want anything in a size larger or smaller than the regular standard size… specify. Again, refer to rule #8. I am not Ms. Cleo.
10. I have spent considerable time in training to learn how to properly greet a customer and to exhibit friendliness and hospitality. I take it as a deep, personal insult when I warmly say, “Hi, welcome to Arby’s! How can I help you?”—only to be barked at, “ROAST BEEF! THAT’S IT!” Who do you think you are, Grizzly Adams? Learn the fundamentals of polite conversation, Cave Man, and then we’ll talk about that roast beef sandwich.
11. If you pull into my drive-thru and either scream at me or whisper to me, I will be cursing you at the other end. It’s not a bullhorn and it isn’t super-sensitive surveillance technology. Speak clearly and calmly and we should get along fabulously.
12. If you have a coupon, you need to state it PRIOR to ordering your $50 order. First of all, jerk-tard, refer to rule #8—I can’t see that you’re holding a handful of discounts in your fingers, so you need to specify that. Otherwise, you’re paying full price. Don’t get all bent out of shape at the window because I didn’t glean from your voice that you had a divine right to our 2 for $3 special.
13. About that $50 order… please recognize that the drive-thru is not intended for those of you who just didn’t feel like walking inside today. The drive-thru is intended to be a fast-paced express lane for those who only wanted one or two QUICK items, and didn’t want to wait in line behind the guy with the $50 order. This rule also applies to those who come through the EXPRESS LANE and want to order more than one order per vehicle. Get a grip. It’s going to take us some time to get your food ready, so come inside and make yourself comfortable.
14. If you cannot speak my native tongue, or if you can only stumble through it with a thickly-laced accent AT BEST, you’re probably better off coming inside. Rather than hold up the line and embarrass you by repeatedly asking, “WHAT? WHAT?!?”, I’m just going to guess what you’re trying to say. Again, I’m not Ms. Cleo, and I sure as heck am not a linguist.
15. If I ask you a question, you’d better answer it swiftly. Do NOT ignore me and continue on, because there will be a consequence. If I ask what drink you’d like with your combo, and you go on to tell me what Junior wants to eat, I will wait until you’re done speaking, and then ask you again what drink you originally wanted with that first combo. Guess what? I missed the rest of the order, so you’re going to have to start again at the beginning, right after that combo with the missing drink. Oops, sorry.
16. I may LOOK like Olympic gold medalist Shannon Miller, but despite that, I am NOT a gymnast or a contortionist. If you pull your car up in such a way that I have to get a coat hanger to hand you your food, there’s an issue. Your depth perception must certainly show you that you’re half-way across the parking lot and that I will NOT be able to hand you anything. Also, if I have to lean into your car to get the money out of your hand, you are seriously pathetic. Exert a little physical effort: extend your arm MY way so I can get that from you.
17. On the other hand (no pun intended), if I’m multi-tasking in my zone trying to get your order together, and you’re sitting at the window, staring straight ahead, with your hand stuck out the window in some gesture of “Hurry, now, give it to me,” I will purposely find meaningless ways to prolong the amount of time you sit there looking like a coat hanger.
18. Seriously, if you order a $2.19 item and try to pay me with a $100 bill, I will assume you’re scoping out how much cash I have in my drawer and I will refuse to take it. This rule is more flexible during the daytime rush, but it becomes solid reality after dark. If that’s the “smallest” bill you have, then you should be dining at Fishbones. I am not an ATM.
19. If you add an item to your order at the window, you might as well punch yourself in the throat, or I might. Take a look behind you, dill-wad. The others waiting in line behind you don’t care to wait another 3 minutes because you decided to add a side kicker when it was too late.
20. If you dump your trash, drinks, extra change, empty beer bottles, soiled diapers, or your cigarette butts in my drive-thru, you will—at the very least—get the evil eye. We are paid to serve you food, not clean up after you. I’m not above tracking down your address and bringing that little compost pile we accumulated to your personal driveway.
21. RANDOM LOBBY RULE: This is not a full-service restaurant. That being said, if you opt to leave a filthy table in my lobby covered in half-eaten food, spilled liquids, crumpled napkins, and trays swimming in sauces, you’d sure as HECK better leave me a tip.
22. We adore those who wish to pay in exact change. We applaud you, we revere you, and we cherish you. However, have it counted out by the time you get to the window. We don’t have time to count it out for you or watch as you dig through your bottomless purse—“I KNOW I had a dime in here somewhere!”. Also, if you can’t seem to find a suitable quarter to give away because you really need that Arkansas for your granddaughter’s coin collection, friggin’ hand me a $20. I’ll give you some quarters. You can even sort them out once you get home: spendable change and collectible change—what a concept.
23. I am not a trash receptacle or a county waste management worker. (Refer to rules #20 and #21) If you ask me to throw away your trash from within your personal vehicle, I will refuse. When you fuel your vehicle at the gas station, utilize those nifty trash cans they put between the pumps. They’re not decorative dividers, genius.
24. If you are daft enough to come through drive-thru with a motorcycle or a diesel engine, you are going to be sorely despised by everyone our PA system affects. Just don’t do it. If you’re boorish enough to do it anyways, at least have the courtesy to turn the thing off so we can hear you. DON’T sit there yelling at me because YOU can’t hear ME.
25. If you are dim-witted enough to half-heartedly listen to me repeat your order back to you, AND agree that it’s correct, don’t call the restaurant later because I “forgot” an item or didn’t ring it up right. That would be the purpose in repeating what I thought I heard you say the first time. You agreed that I had it right, so grin and bear it. Maybe you’ll pay closer attention next time.
26. Whatever you may think of yourself, you don’t sound cute when you order a Whopper Jr. or a Miller Light with your meal. I don’t have time for your games; if you want to play, call your mommy.
27. As a devoted employee of the drive thru realm, I highly encourage you to check your order to ensure its accuracy. I am committed to seeing that you leave my establishment pleased with what you have. Just don’t sit idling at the window for five minutes unloading every bag and opening every sandwich to individually inspect them. That just pisses off everybody.
28. Yes, I work here. No, the corporate big shots did not consult with me about the menu prices when they established this restaurant, so there’s absolutely no use in you verbally berating me about how expensive we are. And no, the prices won’t be coming down anytime soon. Either wait for next week’s coupon drop or go to McDonald’s.
29. Along that line, if you ask me whether or not we have a dollar menu, and I say “No, we do not”, and you then respond, “You don’t?”… you sound like an idiot. No, we actually don’t have a dollar menu, but we just covered that. You’re obviously too cheap or too broke to be eating out, so go home and enjoy some ramen noodles. They ARE less than a dollar.
30.
I promise to think even less of you if our conversation goes something like this:
a. Customer: “I’ll have a #3 combo with home-style fries and a Pepsi.
”
b. Me: “I’m sorry; we no longer carry home-style fries. We only have curly fries or potato cakes.
”
c. Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take the home-style fries then.
”
31. As adorable as you may THINK it is to let your toddler order for himself, we don’t find it even remotely entertaining. Listen, children under the age of 18 don’t really know what they want in life. Just order something for them. Or let me decide.
32. Don’t make me ask repeatedly, “Is that all for you?” or “Will that complete your order?”, because eventually, I’ll get tired of it and start on the infamous, “AND THEEENNN?” routine that Ashton Kutcher made so famous.
33. Here’s a fun regional fact for you: in most of the Southeastern United States, a cola-flavored soda is generally referred to as a “coke”. However, as we no longer carry Coca-Cola products, when you order a Coke, I’m giving you a Pepsi. Don’t scream at me later when it doesn’t “taste right”. Look at the menu board and pay attention to our products.
34. Personally, I love it when you ask me, “Do ya’ll have any specials?” when three sides of our building (that you just circled to get into our drive-thru) are literally plastered in POP, complete with enlarged pictures and bright graphics displaying our on-going specials. Nope, I’m sorry, no specials today.
Better luck next week!
35. Also, when I ask “Is that all for you?/ Will that complete your order?”, you’d sure as Satan’s fury better have a quick answer, or else I’m giving you your total and asking you to pull up. You get double the penalty if you **** an attitude and retort, “I’m not done YET.” Well, then say so.
36. Hitting on the drive-thru girl is NOT flattering. I am actually embarrassed for you. You look and act creepy, and the fact that you drive a jalopy are all points counting against you. Also, licking your teeth while glancing me up and down and scratching your crotch are liable to cause me to call the police. As you drive away, I have a perfect view of your license plate number. This goes for those of you who choose to drive through while intoxicated too. Until they invent odorless liquor, you’re not hiding anything.
37. If you ask me where the flippin’ Oven Mitt is or if I’m “thinking Arby’s”, I’ll hunt you down with a tomato slicer.
