DEEP THOUGHTS BY DUKE

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

Ever notice that you drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
whats up with that?

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses
should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin
real fast and freak everybody out.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND
Superman away.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't
just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered
where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus,
and a clown killed my dad.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself
down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person
comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A
jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that
says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

 

[XGC Moxxi]

My deep thought is that some of your thoughts are about as deep as a puddle. Funny though

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll
look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

.Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her
dinner tasted like.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

One question that's never been answered to my satisfaction by the "Playboy
Advisor" is "What kind of stereo system works best in hell?"

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for
about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and
start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd
say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd
say, "Well, that was easy."
Good joke, huh.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy
sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is
everybody ready to start now?"

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be "Prince of Weasels",
because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go,
"What the-?" And then they would recognize me, and go, "Oh, it's you, the
Prince of Weasels."

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no
other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out
there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or
factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I
have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's
lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.

 

[XGC JO3 D33R XC]

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's
what I hated about him.